take my mind and take my pain
by Pikapegasus
Summary: If Gamora doesn't want to talk about it right this second, Peter supposes she doesn't have to, but the longer she lets it all permeate within her, the worse it'll get. (He knows this from his own personal experience.) (But, in said personal experience, Gamora had been the one to pull him out and get him to open up and heal.) ((Post-GOTG Vol. 2)) ((Oneshot))


**A/N:** Well...you know the routine by now. Post-GOTG Vol. 2, beware some spoilers.

* * *

Gamora stomps away without sparing him a glance.

Peter's left watching after her with wide, worried eyes. As she disappears toward their shared personal quarters, he sighs, looking back to the rest of the team, whose pissed off expressions have quickly faded.

"Well." Rocket blinks, his voice softening _just_ enough to convey his own concern. "That's a first."

"I am Groot," Groot says, making a move to follow Gamora, but Rocket shakes his head, pulling him back.

"Not right now, Groot. Best to let her calm down first." Rocket looks up at Peter. "Gamora _never_ loses her cool like that, 'least not that I've ever seen. I'm sure Quill's pissed her off like that before, though."

Normally, Peter would respond to Rocket's jab with just as much sarcasm and attitude, but everything is weird and Gamora really _doesn't_ ever blow up like that and Peter's sure he's about to shit his pants. "I actually haven't."

Something like legitimate concern flashes over Rocket's eyes then, as he looks back to where Gamora had just disappeared to moments before. "Oh. Well."

"This mission has been intimate for Gamora," Drax says calmly. "Thanos will always be a personal subject for us. Gamora has yet to learn how to control it as I have."

" _You?_ Control?" Rocket barks out a laugh at that. "Don't forget that time you _personally_ invited Ronan and his goons to come blow us up on Knowhere because of your own personal vendetta!"

Drax scowls, but Mantis, who'd been standing silently off to the side the entire time, speaks up. "Shall I go to Gamora? I can give her pleasant feelings."

"Don't bother," Nebula says. "You can't undo what Gamora and I endured under Thanos for so many years. Any 'pleasant feelings' you give her will just be false and temporary."

"Hey, don't forget that this is largely _your_ fault," Rocket says, pointing at Nebula. "You're the one who was tryin' to beat her in a screamin' match. The rest of us are gonna be deaf for _days_."

"Gamora was being irrational. She thinks too often with her heart," Nebula insists. "It's the only reason why she's still with you idiots. She's sentimental."

"And she's also just in the other room," Peter reminds them, gesturing with a hand toward their room. "So she can probably hear all this. Just. Okay." He sighs. "We're going to leave it alone for now. Obviously, everyone just needs time to cool off. Alone."

Drax nods in agreement. "Finally, Quill has a complete and useful plan."

"Whatever." Rocket shrugs. "I need to go check up on where we took damage outside. Groot, come help."

"I am Groot," Groot says.

"I don't want you in here mopin' over Gamora's mopin'. You'll be more useful to her outside."

Everyone splits up then, some leaving the ship, some staying on. Peter doesn't really keep track of who does what; he just wanders off to the cockpit, pulling his Zune out of his pocket and putting his earbuds in.

* * *

After about five songs, he grows impatient. He knows Gamora needs her space whenever she's overwhelmed or flustered, but he's never seen her quite like _this_ before, so he truly has no idea how to help her.

Though the volume of her reaction surprised him, the fact that she reacted so negatively didn't. It had been a rough mission the Nova Corps had assigned them. The main players: Thanos, little girls, Nebula (who'd come to help after hearing about the content of the mission), some of Gamora's old acquaintances...it really had been a recipe for disaster, Peter acknowledges upon reflection, but who else could have taken the mission? They _are_ the Guardians of the Galaxy, after all. This is kinda their _job_.

Peter skips through a handful of consecutive songs. They all remind him of Gamora in some way, whether it be because of scarily relevant lyrical content or just songs that he'd danced to with her when the rest of the Guardians were absent. By the time he's skipped the sixth song, he yanks the earbuds out of his ears and shuts the Zune off, letting it sit in his lap while he drags his hand across his face, trying to figure everything out.

Unsurprisingly, his legs make the decision for him, as he stands from his seat and finds himself walking toward his and Gamora's room.

He braces himself for the worst as he comes upon the closed door, unsure of how to enter. He settles for a gentle knock, then places his ear against the door.

No response.

Peter wraps his fingers around the doorknob, cautiously twisting it. It's unlocked, which is unusual for Gamora, and he opens it slowly. He's greeted by the sight of Gamora in their bed, curled up under the covers and sleeping.

Well. "Sleeping." He's known for a while now that she'd fake every now and then, just to avoid something, usually a conversation about herself or her past or Thanos or...

He takes a deep breath, closing the door behind him and locking it. If Gamora doesn't want to talk about it _right this second_ , he supposes she doesn't have to, but the longer she lets it all permeate within her, the worse it'll get.

(He knows this from his own personal experience.)

(But, in said personal experience, Gamora had been the one to pull him out and get him to open up and heal.)

Peter quietly crosses the distance to the bed, removing his jacket and shoes before crawling under the covers. Gamora's back is to him. Normally, when they've been in this position before, when Peter's upset, Gamora just envelops him in the warmest embrace from behind, her presence broadcasting signs of protection and devotion and love to the world around them.

So Peter takes the chance and switches it up, carefully wrapping his arms around her from behind and resting his head against hers. Gamora is more than capable of taking care of herself, but that doesn't mean Peter couldn't protect her at all.

He decides to play along with her "sleeping," closing his eyes and evening out his breaths. In reality, his heart is going _crazy_ in his chest, in the way it always does whenever Gamora's upset; he can practically feel her anxiety and fear and guilt and sorrow and everything else horrible himself. Instinctually, he pulls her _closer_.

That's when he starts to feel it.

The shaking.

And then he hears it.

Quiet, subdued sobs.

Something in Peter seems to just _break_ as Gamora starts crying in his arms. His grip on her tightens as he presses his forehead into the back of her head.

He tries _really hard_ not to picture adorable, innocent, little Gamora with big, curious eyes surrounded by people who loved her, only for them to all be taken away from her in one fell swoop, along with her entire _people_ by _one_ evil, evil man, who claimed to be her "father" when turning her into a living weapon. There, she learned to hurt, kill, manipulate, and _destroy_ \- not just others, but herself, too. Her thoughts, dreams, feelings, _all of it_ , just _gone_. He's always known she put up walls to protect herself, her true self, but he never realized just how much she was guarding.

And... _fuck_ , now Peter feels himself crying, and he feels like absolute shit, because Gamora probably feels like absolute shit, and he doesn't think he can ever take that pain away.

(But, maybe he can help her carry that burden.)

Suddenly, something in Gamora changes, because she turns over in Peter's grasp to face him, and just _buries_ her head in his chest, clutching his shirt like he's about to be pulled away from her by the galaxy itself. Somehow, this is worse - not that Peter thought the spooning was better or worse, really, this is all about Gamora right now, so the positioning is up to her - but now she's even _more_ distraught and just completely falling apart in his arms and he's not sure he can help her.

"I'm sorry," he finds himself whispering, though it really doesn't mean or change anything, because he had no control over her life up until she met him _._ Even so, Peter's convinced his heart is medically, physically broken. "I'm so sorry."

Gamora's only response is continuing to cry, and Peter doesn't blame her. Everything just kind of went toppling down at once earlier, with their mission only being partially successful and ending with a giant argument between Gamora and Nebula. And ever since Ego happened, Peter's noticed the shift in Gamora and Nebula's relationship, which Gamora eventually explained to him, and, really, it just sounded...complicated. So unnecessarily, painfully, _complicated_.

And honestly? Peter's heard different people cry every now and then throughout his life, but hearing Gamora cry like this is somehow _the worst_. He hugs Gamora more tightly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

But then he thinks of how Gamora acts with the team, how teasing and secretly compassionate she is with them all, how she takes care of Groot so dutifully, how she makes Peter blush and laugh and feel like he's the luckiest guy in the _galaxy_ …

...and now he's crying more. Great. Just what Gamora needs. He wishes she'd tease him, if only because she'd be happier than now.

A few minutes pass before Peter can really calm down. He finds himself absentmindedly rubbing her back, and, soon enough, Gamora quiets down, but continues to cling to Peter's shirt.

"Y'know," Peter says quietly, his voice quivering still, "I always knew we were destined to be together, with that unspoken thing and all, but I never realized relationships could be so emotional."

She doesn't say anything.

"You don't have to warn me," Peter adds lightly. "I won't tell anyone about this. I know what the consequences are."

Though Gamora remains silent, Peter can feel her smiling against him. He takes it as a small victory in navigating this emotional minefield.

"Still. I'm sorry. About everything," Peter continues. "I know that means shit, because saying sorry about stuff like this is so lame, but I'm not sure how else to convey that this all makes me really sad, too. Not as sad and upset as you, obviously, but I still feel like shit, too, knowing you feel like shit. I think that's how the others feel, too."

"Thank you," Gamora whispers so softly, Peter nearly misses it.

"I'm here for you, like you were here for me, _are_ here for me," Peter reassures her. "So, _please_ , Gamora. Talk to me?"

A few silent moments pass before Gamora's grip on his shirt loosens, allowing her to lean away just enough to properly face him. Her fingers remain twisted up in the fabric of his shirt. Peter gently lays his hand on her cheek, carefully brushing away a tear with his thumb.

"It's just…" Gamora begins slowly, seemingly at a loss for words. "At every point in this mission, I saw myself. I couldn't fight the unpleasant memories that would resurface, no matter how hard I tried. And while having Nebula here was useful and somewhat reassuring, it just reminded me more of how bad of a sister I was to her, though it all comes down to Thanos' fault, but…"

She takes a deep breath. Peter waits.

"Thanos has taken so much from me. He started with my childhood, my family, and my people, but didn't stop there. He gave me Nebula, but the circumstances were hardly allowing for us to be proper sisters. It's hard…" She pauses, averting her eyes and letting out a shaky breath. "It's not just hard to picture happiness for myself because of the evil things I did for Thanos, but because I'm...afraid."

Peter removes his hand from her face to instead cover one of hers over his chest. He squeezes it gently. "What are you afraid of?"

"I...fear the day Thanos wins," Gamora admits. "Not necessarily in destroying the galaxy, but in winning over _me_ , taking my family away from me again."

Oh.

"Gamora…"

"I want to defeat Thanos," Gamora says, certainty lining her voice. "I want to defeat Thanos with you and the others by my side. Yet, at the same time, when we've come close to him, we don't come out unscathed; Groot is still recovering from Ronan. I just…" She sighs. "This is _my_ battle."

" _Hey_ ," Peter says gently, but assertively. "You know that's not how this team, or dysfunctional family, or _whatever_ , works. We stick together. You told me that after everything with Ego happened, even though Ego was really just _my_ problem. It's no different for you and Thanos."

Gamora nods. "I know. It's just hard to remember sometimes."

"I'll be here to remind you," Peter teases.

"I figured. You've been hovering around me a lot these past few days, Star-Lord."

Finally, some light has returned to Gamora's voice, in that special way she says _Star-Lord_.

But Peter knows what she's talking about.

"Ever since we got assigned the mission, I just wanted to make sure you were okay with it," he says. "I mean, obviously, you're more than okay with taking Thanos out, but emotionally and mentally, it seemed like it would open some old wounds and scars."

And it has.

"Thank you, Peter," she says earnestly. "I'm grateful you look out for me, but it was a _bit_ overwhelming at times."

"I'll try to relax a little next time," he says. "I was just afraid of something like this happening, but, I mean, I'm not _mad_ this happened, like, I feel like this was an inevitable step we'd take in our relationship, but I'm also not _happy_ this happened, 'cause it meant you had to feel _horrible_ , but-"

"Yes, yes," she cuts him off with a small smile. "We are closer now."

"Yeah. That." He nods. "Never hesitate to come to me with this kind of stuff, okay? You don't have to deal with it alone anymore."

"I know."

"And never forget that you're an amazing person, Gamora," he says, his voice much more serious. "I know it's hard to disconnect yourself from your past, but it doesn't define you. You know what defines you? The way you bicker with Rocket, and the way you listen to Drax's stories of his family, and the way you're trying to figure things out with Nebula, and the way you stand up for Mantis, and the way you take care of Groot, and…" He pauses.

Gamora looks up at him expectantly.

"...and the way you love me."

Memories of dances, and cuddling, and walking, and handholding, and fighting side-by-side, and talking, and _everything_ flash by Peter's eyes in one moment, and though they've never officially exchanged the three words, he _knows_.

And, judging from the look in Gamora's eyes, she knows, too.

"Peter…"

"I love you." He pecks her forehead. "You'll get through this. I promise. I'll be here with you. We'll _all_ be here with you, every step of the way."

Finally, Gamora releases his shirt, instead grasping his hands. She nods, her eyes wet again, but a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "I love you, too."

* * *

 **A/N:** guess who's going to see vol. 2 again today! :D aka catch me cryin in the theater at the end like everyone else LMAO


End file.
